A couple of days ago, I saw one of the very popular marriage tips that get circulated on Whatsapp. Addressed to women.
Because women are the only ones who get married.
Because it takes only a woman to make a marriage work.
Because women are the only ones who get improved by a good marriage.
Because women who do not marry at society’s approved time will be snatched to hell by the devil.
Please don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the efforts of consellors and well-wishers who have noticed that women lack a lot of information on the issue of marriage, but are women the only ones in need?
Of all the messages on marriages I saw during the Christmas vacation, only one focused on what men should do and should be for the brides God will be giving them. The rest of them gave reasons women should lower their standards because the men will go for women without any and our lives will come to an end because our worth is only defined by the ring on our finger. [At least that’s the conclusion I’ve been able to draw from all of them].
Let me make a few points known before I continue:
- I am not against marriages. I look forward to saying ‘I do’ on the altar.
- I totally agree that the man is the head of the family and that per God’s instruction, the woman must submit.
How many us have thought about my second belief—that the man is the head of the family and hence the lord of the wife and family? I think it is too obvious that for someone to be lord, he ought to have got everything together-in other words be a person worthy of submission, such that the woman must not struggle to respect such a man except there is an issue with the woman. In my opinion, most of the messages have consciously or unconsciously told the men that they are indispensable in a marriage and since they can marry at any age and will be desirable by any desperate woman, they can afford to be anything: wife-beaters, cheats, financially-irresponsible, verbally-abusive and lazy because as long as the ratio of women to men in Ghana is the speculated 3: 1, even if one woman can’t deal with their irresponsible behaviour, there are many fishes in the sea who will do anything to change their surnames.
That scripture says in Isaiah 4:1 that 7 women will eventually want to have the surname of 1 man so they are not disgraced does not mean that men have the right not to be the lords and the lovers that God designed them to be.
Adhering to Colossians 3:18, as women, should we get married, we will love and revere our God-given husbands as is fitting in the Lord and while waiting, we will maintain the godly standards as is required of a man supposed to lead our homes, raise our children and be exemplary characters that we will boast about to our daughters.
To our men, you will give an account of how you treat us because Colossians 3:19 gives you an instruction. So let the society be your guide to feeling like the judgement to whatever evil women need to pay for.
To all well-wishers on social media who constantly remind us on the dos and don’ts on marriages, please include pieces of advice to men as well because they are as clueless as we are and also because they benefit from marriages as much as we do even if they retain their surnames.
PS. Paul admonishes in 1 Corinthians 7: 7 that he would want that everyone remain as celibate as he is only if you won’t burn with passion. Conclusion? You can turn a deaf ear to society’s insults that you are worthless unless you get married as long as you can endure it. It’s okay ;).